I shovel all the snow that has piled up to my heart all night
I take off the smiling clown make-up
I empty the trash folder that can’t retrieved back
A maze, I pray that someone will scoop me up
 - Hurts


"How are you?"
That isn't a question I hear a lot. That I answer a lot. That isn't a question I know howto answer. How am I? So many things that pop into my head. I may seem to stutter in my answers, and that is because I don't know how to answer. I never know how to answer. I always try to answer in a non-offensive way.

I guess that is also my tendency to bottle up stuff inside because
1) I never know how to express myself adequately so the other party knows what I was trying to portray
2) I am afraid that my emotions will come between whoever I am expressing about/to

I also run on two basic rules when I am about to express how I feel:
1) Would expressing myself be constructive to the situation?
2) Am I just ranting on and on?

Although I have best friends, good friends, I have yet to find someone I can fully confide in. It's not that I don't love them and I don't want to share everything I think, but there are many times that I would think I was being a burden more than whatever.

So if you know me, forgive me for being secretive. Forgive me for not saying anything. Forgive me for being quiet. At that moment I might not even know how I feel. And even when I know how I feel it doesn't mean I can express it so that you know how I feel.