I had posted about this before, but this thought has come to my head again as I lay here with insomnia.
What does my future hold? Where is my future?
I start a new job on Monday, and to be honest I was disappointed that it took me so long to get a job as I had been sending out resumes to so many places. And this marks a new start, but it shouldn't be where I should stay forever.
Then tonight, I had the thought of two words that do close and dear to my heart:
香港。
Why? Certain thoughts led to certain things, and this word came up.
Summer of 2011 I was given the chance to explore Hong Kong for four months while working for my uncle at a simple desk job. The thought was so exciting, and honestly it was a pure blessing. I experienced somewhat the working culture, and the life there. The blessing came to me in the form of my relatives. I lived at my uncle's place which was out in the New Territories. Spacious and very similar to Canada. Went to work every day, and went out on the weekends with the girls who were also in HK that summer. I worked a 9-6 job, and lived in a wonderful place with wonderful people in excellent circumstances. All I worried about was where I wanted to go for the weekend. This is what everyone knew about that vacation. But those four months was the most distant I had been from God ever. Sure, I prayed before meals and didn't do bad things, but I probably went to church three times the entire summer. My excuse would be that church was too far away. I lived in Tuen Mun and my aunt's church was on the HK side. I remember the first month I was there, I skyped my fellowship at least once or twice while eating pancakes in te morning, just to listen in on the Bible study (if you were there, you would have known it failed miserably. Couldn't hear a thing. Thanks guys for trying.) I always felt that i was on vacation there, and it didn't matter: boy was I wrong. I felt so empty those months, as much as I was so happy experiencing everything around me. So I'm guessing that was why I indulged on food, on the verge of gluttony. And that is why I came back so fat ( see it all makes sense)
Fast forward two years, and I am visiting HK again, in the month of May, but this time with my family. And this time it was so different. I lived on the HK side, I didn't work, and I was only there for a month. But I still got to 'experience' working life in HK through my aunt whom we lived with (thank you for taking us in!). She worked long hours, and sometimes even though we would go out with my moms friends, there were multiple times where we would be home before she would be. Another 'experience' was with my mom's friends, uncles I would call them. Took us almost the entire month to fit us into their schedules so that we could eat with them. And even so, one of them technically only ate with us for an hour, as he had to go pick up his boss from the airport and go to another meeting. This is night time I am talking about! But this time, during this trip, I was able to experience God much much more. My brother and I were introduced to an English church which wasn't too far from where we lived, and we made an attempt to go every Sunday we were intown. The speaker captivated us, and God spoke to me through those messages. Not only through those messages, but throughout the entire trip, I really felt God with me wherever I went.
Now to get to the real point of this post. I have a heart to live in this city, love this city, and serve this city. Especially since there is so much unrest and (dare I use the word) hatred. But my heart is also where I have lived most my life, where my largest spiritual family is. And I have learned that as much as I personally would want something, it is my necessarily what God wants for me.
This summer I almost had a chance to intern at one of the larger banks in Hong Kong. And through prayer, and asking God for guidance, that door was closed on me. I'll fess up one of the reasons why I wanted to stay was because Shinhwa's first oversea concert for their 16 anniversary was in HK and that would be their first concert there. ANYWAY.
Door was closed on me, and I came back to work at my other job that God had blessed me with. For some reason I was at peace with God's direction, and I don't 'regret' it.
Living and working in Hong Kong is much harder than it is here. The competition is even more fierce and everything is about money. I would love to challenge myself to be in this environment, but I cannot bring to leave everything behind. My grandpa would love for me to be back in HK, closer to him. As is for everyone else in our families. But here is my prayer to God:
Dear God, Heavenly Father.
I don't know what to do about my future as my heart is being torn. I can hear the city calling out to me, to serve and love everyone. But at the same time, my home church is calling out my name. I don't know what to do about where I want to go. But most importantly, where you would want me to go. God please show me the way, show me where you want me to go. As the song says
'I will go, I will go, I will go Lord send me to the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am, I'm clay within your hands, I will go, I will go send me'
You might not even want me in Hong Kong, but Lord, send me where you want me to do your work. And I will go. Show me how you have planned my future to be. I put you in my heart as my GPS, and I will learn to trust you. I will trust you. I pray you will give me the wisdom to discern what is the way. I thank you Lord for blessing me, with so many opportunities and experiences that I will never forget. As I know that everything, all glory goes back to you. Everything is because of you.
If you read this, please also pray for me that I will be able to find out what my future will be like. Whether it is to stay here in Toronto, or to go somewhere else in the world, that I will seek God to find the place for me. And that I will be able to provide for my family, and lift the burden off of my moms shoulders.
